What to do, what to do...

I find that there are times when I really want something or I really want to do something and it just doesn't quite work out.  This weekend I was going to go to Utah for the Festival of Colours, but I got sick on Wednesday and I thought perhaps I would be fine and i could still go.  The problem though is I kept getting the feeling that I was supposed to stay home.  I don't know if there is someone here who needs my help this weekend, or if it would have just been a bad trip, but I knew I not to go.  I think perhaps I got sick to keep me from going.  It is hard to stick to what you know you should do when there is something you really want to do.  

It would seem life is always like that.  You have to decide what is most important.  Following what you know to be right, or straying and doing what you want.  I kept thinking perhaps I was wrong and I am supposed to go but in the end I stuck with the smart decision and stayed home.  I feel good about my decision now because Elisabeth and I went on an adventure and I have just rested today.  I cannot wait for summer when we can just do fun, random things everyday.  I want to get a bike so that I can just go wherever I want and do the things that make me happy.

P.S. in just a few short days my dear sweet momma, will be here to visit me and we are going to go down to Utah for General Conference!

Birds of a feather

There was this one time when I had a solo in a choir concert.  I get really nervous about singing in public, but I made it through and afterwards someone asked me where I learned such a beautiful vibrato, and I said, "I was just shaking, there was no vibrato..."

This semester this problem came up again.  I was asked to do a duet with a boy in my ward.  I don't know why I said yes to this but I did.  

The date for this kept getting pushed back for weeks and finally today was the day.  

Once again I got up in front of a crowd and sang the best I could and I think my nervous vibrato may have escaped.  

The whole time I just had to keep telling myself that it wasn't for me or for any one else that I was singing.  It was for my Heavenly Father.  I hope I made him happy today by praising him in song.  I am grateful that I had the chance to share my testimony through song, but I am very happy I am done.

After church I came home and made dinner for my roommate Rachel who was looking for some real people food (and not college student food).  It turned out quite delicious.  I made Turkey Tetrazzini and corn on the cob, and then we had ice-cream pie for dessert. 

Then Elisabeth and I went and fed the ducks at the pond.  They were waiting for us to come and give them their dinner.

Shoot for the stars and even if you miss you will end up on the moon.

Sometimes I forget how far I have come.  It is easy to lose sight of the finish line and also the starting line when you are in the middle of things.  Lately I have been feeling like I am where I have always been, so my brilliant friend suggested I write out what I have accomplished.  I liked this idea but took it a step farther than she intended.   

 I may have stayed up until 3 in the morning writing out where I was, where I am, and where I am going.  Then I thought of 70 things I want to do.  Some of them are easily attainable and others may take a while.

  It is good take time and get perspective on things.  While doing this I realized that although I have grown and changed, I am still the same person I used to be.  Just more developed.  I have always been sassy, smart, funny, ridiculous, mischievous, and beautiful.  I have just made all of these qualities even better.  

There are so many things I want to do and I need to figure out what they are.  Tonight my roommates and I performed in the Ward talent show.  We sang popcorn popping and it was just fun.  I don't want to worry about what people think because I just want to be happy.  

Why do I write in the middle of the night?

It feels like I haven't blogged in forever but I suppose it has only been about two weeks.  It has been a little bit crazy around here lately but things seem to finally be settling down in good ways. Sometimes I worry that people think I just get everything I want without working for it.  The truth though, is I work really hard.  I have been spending most evenings (after I work out) in the studio working and doing all I can to get to where I want to be.  The thing with me is once I decide I want something I will find a way to get it.  That might sound conceited of me but I just work at it until I achieve my goals.

 I am planning on applying for the BFA program in 3D which is kind of like the elite program.  It is just more specialized.  In order to do this I have to present my portfolio and it has to be really good.  I am finally falling in love with some of my pieces.  This week I threw these two babies 

  

Another stressful thing has been finding a job.  I have decided to stay in Rexburg or the spring and in order to do so I need money.  I managed to get a job at the Library this week, which is a huge blessing.

Lastly this past week I lost 3 and a half pounds which was great because I pushed really hard all week.  I just need to keep at it and I will reach my goals with that as well.

It sometimes seems like things just happen but when you only see the final product of hard work it can seem easy. 

I am so grateful for all that I have and I really do work for everything.  Nothing in life comes easy, you just have to work and hope and have faith that things will turn out.  

Ask

Sometimes things get tough, but you can never let it stop you.  

Sometimes you feel like fighting with someone, but you need them to just love you.  

Sometimes you feel like turning away from the Lord because you think he doesn't understand, but he always does.  

He is always ready for you to turn to him and ask for his help.  Get on your knees and pray for his guidance and love.  He is there and willing to help you through your trials.  I have a Heavenly Father who loves me and so do you.
You are never alone and even though we cannot see him with us we can feel him.  He will also send earthly angels to us.  Our friends, family, strangers... they are all angels in our lives.
Find the silver linings and move forward.  Remember to ask for help when you need it and even when you think you don't, because the truth is you still need help.

Thoughts of Love

On Thursday I woke up to a text reminding me of what valentines really means..."Remember this is a day to celebrate not hustling romantic love but love in general.  Siblings, parents, friends! So be happy!"

 I have always disliked Valentines day because I am single, but this year I thought a lot about the people and the things I love.  So here they are, the things I love (some of them)

being goofy and asking what if questions

Laughing

eating delicious granola

being covered in clay and creating new things

Gold doors and jean shirts

finding cute notes from my friends

sunsets

 baking and being with my sisters

going to the temple

travelling with people I love

A few other things are glitter, my cat parker and the little baby Gina puppy, reading my scriptures, snuggling, listening to music, reading a good book, camping, swimming, and just being with people I love.

I hope everyone thought of the things they love and saw the beauty all around them

(it is there, I promise)

Who remembers what my voice sounds like... cause I don't

For some reason I always feel like blogging in the middle of the night.  I don't know what it is but this is when I feel like writing.  

This week has been kind of difficult.  I didn't realize how much I usually do and how much I love to get out of the house.  A few years ago I could just lie around all day everyday and not care about anything.  This week I have been sick and I lost my voice and I am going stir crazy.  I missed classes all week and I haven't gone to the gym, or done much.

Monday night I went to a ward activity, Tuesday I didn't leave the house.  I laid on the couch all day, watched sad movies and just cried.  Wednesday I cleaned my room and then left the house for 1/2 an hour for a Relief Society Presidency meeting, and today was my most active day.  I drove my roommate to school, went to the store and went to Pizza Pie Cafe with friends for a little while because I am so sick of doing nothing.  That is all that has happened in the whole week.  

I feel so lazy just staying home and not getting anything done.  I love being productive and going out.  

I suppose this is really a good thing, needing to get out.  It is just so hard because I love to talk.  Most people know this already but I talk all the time.  Right now all i can do is whisper and if I whisper too much I start coughing. 

Hopefully if I can just rest this weekend I will be better by monday and I can get back to life.  I need to get to the gym because right now I have started feeling terrible about myself and the progress that I have made.  I know I need to keep things in perspective but I keep looking at what I haven't done instead of what I have accomplished.

(Rachel cheered me up with some Anne quotes and this picture found on pinterest)

I am happy that I am an active person and that I care about living a full life.  I just need to get back to it.