Turning into a Grown Lady

I have always made a big deal about my birthday, and this year I finally realized why it is so important to me.  My biggest fear is that people will forget me and that I am unimportant.  This is why whenever people forget my name or forget things I tell them, I get slightly upset.  Last year I threw myself a birthday party and only my neighbours and three other people showed up to it.  I am grateful to the people that did show up and wish me a happy birthday, but I felt like no one cared about me.  This year I decided a party wasn't worth it because I would just get excited and be let down.  

However my roommates knew I was worried about my birthday and because they are amazing, (as mentioned in this post here) they took care of me.  When I woke up on monday morning there were balloons hanging outside of my door, in the bathroom, and in the vanity mirror.  My roommate Meghan slipped a precious note under my door as well.  When I went upstairs Jenny hd made me breakfast and I found out that Jenny and Rachel had only slept for four hours that night!  

When I got to printmaking one of my friends wished me a happy birthday and then my teacher went and got me some candies.  We ended up watching youtube videos for most of class and just talking.  

Later when I went to Doctrine and Covenants, my friend Emily was waiting to give me a card and a happy birthday button.

When I got home from school I found some beautiful flowers from my family (someone may have accidentally told me before hand that they were coming)

Then I baked my favorite cake and Rebecca also baked me a cake (both were lemon, my favorite flavour) and then it was time for my "surprise" party (someone may have accidentally told me about it beforehand)  There were so many people that showed up, and my roommates are so creative, they had pin the feather on the flamingo, and a banner that people signed by finger-painting!

(both of the Ashleys from my team came)

(the lemon cake Rebecca made for me)

(Josie's Birthday message to me)

(Rachel's boyfriend Skyler bought 

     me my favorite drink)

(my family home evening sisters and my roommates)

I also received a wonderful voicemail from one of my best friends and all of this made me realize once again that I am loved and cared about. People are inherently good and I am grateful for all that everyone does for me.  I am excited to be 21 and I hope to turn this into my best year yet.

Sacrifice

The past little while, I have felt like working out and watching what I eat is just a struggle every day.  I want to do better but life has been crazy.  I don't want to allow myself to make excuses, especially because I know I can do this.  Yesterday, I once again, came to the realization that even though it is tough, it is worth it.  

Gordon B. Hinckley said,

You will come to know that what appears today to be a sacrifice will prove instead to be the greatest investment you will ever make.

The reason I came to this realization, was because I did the try-a-tri.  We had to run a mile and a half, bike six miles, and swim 300m.  

By the second lap (we were on the indoor track) of running I wanted to quit and I was in last place.  I have always disliked doing things because I have the attitude that no matter what I do I will be last.  I decided to just keep moving my feet and even though I wanted to quit, I refused to.  I managed to slowly catch up and get ahead of a few people (it is kind of mean of me to be happy that I was not the last one but I suppose I am just mean)

Once the running was over (I finished that in about 22 minutes) I had to run down to the hart gym and do my six miles on a spin bike.  When I got to the gym, there were no working spin bikes so I was panicking because our transition times counted toward our overall time, so I found a spin bike in another area and pedalled as fast as I could.  I managed to finish the biking in just under 17 minutes, and then it was back upstairs to the pool. 

Some people did the first two parts with their swimsuits on under their clothes but I chose to change into my swimsuit after (it does not have the best support, if you know what I mean)  Of course after running and biking I was all sticky so I was getting mad at my bathing suit!  

I finally made it to the pool and had just 6 laps left until I was done.  I was so out of breath and just tired that I had to alternate between back crawl, front crawl, and breaststroke.  I had my trainer Tanner and Brad (one of the other contestants on my team) cheering me on the entire time, I don't know if I would have finished without them.  

When I had one more lap left, and was exhausted, Brad got in and swam my last lap just behind me.  At one point during that lap, I swallowed water and started coughing.  Brad kept telling me to just keep breathing and moving and I managed to make it to the end.  

I finished the try-a-tri, in 56 minutes and 23 seconds.  I was nowhere near the front of the pack, but I wasn't last, and I finished which is what is really important.  

I am so grateful that I have a strong body that can do these things and for all of the people that encourage and support me.

Environments

Time is always a little bit skewed for me in Rexburg.  During the week everything goes by so slowly and as my mother would say, I feel like I am flying by the seat of my pants.  Then when the weekend finally arrives it seems as if the week happened in a flash and it starts again all too soon!  Time has somehow made it almost the middle of the semester without me noticing.  I am pretty sure it was just last week I was saying goodbye to my family again and flying here, wasn't it?  

So far I have made some pretty good progress this semester, I have lost 7 pounds, decided I want to pursue 3D art as my emphasis, and made some bosom friends.  

I have had amazing apartments before and I have really good (best) friends, but this semester I have been lucky to find sisters in my apartment.  I love having people who understand me when I don't even have to say a word.

Having a supportive apartment (environment) is key when trying to make changes in your life.  If you don't have anyone reminding you of what you are supposed to be doing it is so much easier to fall off of the path.

I am so grateful for my real sisters and my bosom sisters who all keep me going and make life fun.  Without them I would have a much harder time finding out who I am through all of these trials.

Mind Sets

This weekend was the Semiannual General Conference for the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints and for once I listened to all four sessions.  The main theme I hear throughout all of it was service and staying on the path.  

The one I want to look at right now is, staying on the path.  I have been struggling with my food because I just want to eat all the time and I don't want to have to give up any of the things I like.  I had just started to eat a big bowl of jello and whip cream while listening to Elder Robert D. Hales and I heard for a second time today that the Lord told his disciples that they needed to stay away from their old ways and do what he had asked them to.   

I realized I have been going back to my old ways and I thought, "I will be better after this jello".  The problem with that is it is always,"just after my next snack/binge i will do better", that cannot be my mindset.  I must stop myself right away.  Before I could take another bite I got up and poured it into the garburator.  I need to focus on eating things that uplift my body and spirit.  I only want good energy put into my body so that only good energy is going out of my body.  When I realize I am eating something that is not giving me good energy I need to just spit it out and get rid of it.  As soon as I am aware I must stop.