Happy 2013

New Years is here at last and I am spending this holiday evening on my own.  That is okay though because when I get back to I-dee-hoo I am going to have my own New Years Eve party!  I realized that my friends and my life is in Idaho, and so I shouldn't expect it to be here.  Sometimes we have to go somewhere else to find our place in the world and I have found my place for now.  I miss my family when I am gone but Thompson is not for me.  I hate it because I feel like there is nothing for me here. I am okay with that though because I have so much to look forward to this year.  I am applying to teach English in China for a year which will be amazing if I am accepted. I am also doing the Biggest Winner program this winter, and I am getting close to my goal of 150 pounds lost (well I am 40 away).  If I can do well this semester (I know I can) I will be at least 20 pounds closer and I am just excited for everything.  

(new year's eve photo while hanging out with my cat)

It sounds silly but I feel like it is a new chapter in my life.  Well maybe it is still a transitional chapter but it is getting really good right now.  There are so many things I want to do in the next few years and two years ago I never would have been doing any of the things I do now (have friends, go out, exercise, go for walks, live life, etc.) 

(I am really cool)

I have now made it two years without chocolate and I don't really miss it anymore.  I have also made it one year without chips which seems really weird because I kind of still miss them but that is okay because once I hit two years without them I am sure it won't seem like a big thing.  

One thing I do need to take care of though is deciding this years resolution.  I don't know whether I should remove something from my diet/life or add something to my diet/life.  I have thought about going a year without McDonalds but when I am in Rexburg I don't ever go there so it is only a challenge when I am home.  I can't think of anything that is really a struggle to stop eating or to control.  I also can't think of what I could add... Well I could add a sleep rule but that is really hard at school and not as hard here.  I don't know what to do about this so if you have any suggestions please help me out!  

 (This is what I want to look like)

and Happy New Year.

moral is don't shower or you will get a fever.

I despise being sick.  I hate not having all of my senses ad feeling fuzzy all the time.  

Unfortunately, I seem to get sick quite often, a few times a year I get really sick and it is terrible.  I had the flu the week before fall semester started and then again now over the holidays.  A week into the break (christmas eve day) I ended up with a sore throat, a cough, and a fever.  Of course in my town there is the walk in clinic, and the hospital.  At the hospital if you go to emergency they will make you wait for five hours or so, and the walk in clinic is closed for FOUR days for the holidays.  Obviously I would get sick on the first of those days and be stuck lying in bed dying because we don't go to the hospital.  (my mom hates going to the doctors and so we rarely go.)

So I had to stay home and be sick for christmas eve, christmas, and boxing day.  I felt so sick I could not even think straight and I just had crazy brain.  For a while I was convinced that if I took a shower or put a blanket on, it would give me a fever.  It sounds crazy now, but my fever would go away and then I would shower and it would be back afterwards.  Or I would bundle up in some blankets, and SURPRISE! Fever time.

Finally this morning, day five of sickness, we went to the walk in clinic and they only take the first 20 people that come each day.  We were there by 8:25 and it turns out the doctor called in sick so the walk in was cancelled... 

They are closed for four days and then the first day they are open there is only one doctor and they are sick.  

Ridiculous.

Finishing Up

The end of the semester is almost here and I am almost done with everything.  Some things I am happy to be done with but others I am sad to see end.  This semester I did the Biggest Winner Program at school and it was so much fun (but also so much work).

I had an amazing team, and incredible trainers.  

(most of my team and all of my trainers)

I did the program before and it was a huge help to me but my heart wasn't really in it.  I struggled with my commitment and didn't get as far as I had hoped to.  I was so hard on myself last time and I felt the same way at the beginning of this semester.

Within the first few days I decided I didn't want to et any weight goals, and instead work on how I felt and what I could do.  I think I achieved this (plus a good amount of weight loss).  There were times that I felt like I couldn't keep going and that I was going to die doing whatever workout it was but having people supporting me and telling me I can keep going made it so much easier.  

(first photo-last weekend at the closing ceremonies for biggest winner, second photo-is from October 2009)

I still have a hard time recognizing the changes I have made, especially the physical changes, but looking at photos I am finally able to see what I have done. 

Over the past three months I managed to lose 20 pounds which makes it a total of 110 pounds lost in the past two years.  I am so grateful for the changes I have made in my life and for the people that have encouraged and supported me through these changes.  I am completely different now than I was two years ago and I am feel like I am getting ready to start a new chapter in my life and leave my old worries and fears behind.  I know that I can achieve anything I set my mind to and be anyone I want to be.

Thanksgiving and Shopping

For American thanksgiving my roommate Rachel brought me to Utah to her house, since it is too far to go back to Canada (plus it isn't even a holiday there right now).  Her family is amazing and I have loved spending time with them.  One thing I love about Utah (and call me silly if you must) is the shopping.  Growing up in Thompson I just know not to expect to find much shopping there.  You must drive the 8 hours to a real mall in order to find good things.  Once again I chose a town where the shopping is limited.  I suppose you can go to Walmart or K-mart in Rexburg, or drive to Idaho Falls where there is a bit more selection, but Utah... So many malls.  

I have been in desperate need of some new clothes!  My jeans have literally been falling off of me for the past few weeks and it is all because of my hard work (and the help and encouragement from my team, trainers, roommates, family, and friends)(I know that is a lot of people).  I know I sound conceited and self-absorbed, but I am okay with that.  I have worked hard in the gym and in the kitchen trying to make sure I am eating good things and doing all I can to reach my goals.  I know I am not perfect but I have been doing a lot better than in the past.  I am striving for progress, not perfection. 

On wednesday Rachel and I went to the Forever 21 in Orem but they didn't have the plus section at their store.  After that I felt so defeated because I have worked so hard over the past two years but I am still not done.  After that I just wanted to leave the mall and go get some food.  Instead Rachel and I just talked and I realized I have still done so well I just have to keep at it.  

Then yesterday (saturday) we drove down to Salt Lake to do some shopping and driving down was half the fun.  Rachel and I enjoy turing up the music and dancing and singing really loud, sometimes in crazy voices.  At one point we had been dancing but Rachel stopped so it was just me looking like a fool, and as a car drove by us I suddenly stopped so they wouldn't see and Rachel thought it was hilarious. 

The mall in Salt Lake and the forever 21 had amazing deals and all of my sizes!  I found so many good things and I just felt so good.  I also found new jeans at Torrid and I have gone down a jean size.  things like that prove to me that I am making progress because I still have a hard time seeing a difference in myself.  I might have spent quite a bit of money (mom and dad don't look at that sentence) but I feel so good about all that I have done and it just motivates me to keep going.  The whole time Rachel just kept telling me how good I look and telling people at the stores that I had lost so much weight my pants were falling off and I was okay with that.  I love hearing how good I am doing because if I say it too much, well that just gets annoying.  

p.s. pictures of my new clothes will follow soon!

Turning into a Grown Lady

I have always made a big deal about my birthday, and this year I finally realized why it is so important to me.  My biggest fear is that people will forget me and that I am unimportant.  This is why whenever people forget my name or forget things I tell them, I get slightly upset.  Last year I threw myself a birthday party and only my neighbours and three other people showed up to it.  I am grateful to the people that did show up and wish me a happy birthday, but I felt like no one cared about me.  This year I decided a party wasn't worth it because I would just get excited and be let down.  

However my roommates knew I was worried about my birthday and because they are amazing, (as mentioned in this post here) they took care of me.  When I woke up on monday morning there were balloons hanging outside of my door, in the bathroom, and in the vanity mirror.  My roommate Meghan slipped a precious note under my door as well.  When I went upstairs Jenny hd made me breakfast and I found out that Jenny and Rachel had only slept for four hours that night!  

When I got to printmaking one of my friends wished me a happy birthday and then my teacher went and got me some candies.  We ended up watching youtube videos for most of class and just talking.  

Later when I went to Doctrine and Covenants, my friend Emily was waiting to give me a card and a happy birthday button.

When I got home from school I found some beautiful flowers from my family (someone may have accidentally told me before hand that they were coming)

Then I baked my favorite cake and Rebecca also baked me a cake (both were lemon, my favorite flavour) and then it was time for my "surprise" party (someone may have accidentally told me about it beforehand)  There were so many people that showed up, and my roommates are so creative, they had pin the feather on the flamingo, and a banner that people signed by finger-painting!

(both of the Ashleys from my team came)

(the lemon cake Rebecca made for me)

(Josie's Birthday message to me)

(Rachel's boyfriend Skyler bought 

     me my favorite drink)

(my family home evening sisters and my roommates)

I also received a wonderful voicemail from one of my best friends and all of this made me realize once again that I am loved and cared about. People are inherently good and I am grateful for all that everyone does for me.  I am excited to be 21 and I hope to turn this into my best year yet.

Sacrifice

The past little while, I have felt like working out and watching what I eat is just a struggle every day.  I want to do better but life has been crazy.  I don't want to allow myself to make excuses, especially because I know I can do this.  Yesterday, I once again, came to the realization that even though it is tough, it is worth it.  

Gordon B. Hinckley said,

You will come to know that what appears today to be a sacrifice will prove instead to be the greatest investment you will ever make.

The reason I came to this realization, was because I did the try-a-tri.  We had to run a mile and a half, bike six miles, and swim 300m.  

By the second lap (we were on the indoor track) of running I wanted to quit and I was in last place.  I have always disliked doing things because I have the attitude that no matter what I do I will be last.  I decided to just keep moving my feet and even though I wanted to quit, I refused to.  I managed to slowly catch up and get ahead of a few people (it is kind of mean of me to be happy that I was not the last one but I suppose I am just mean)

Once the running was over (I finished that in about 22 minutes) I had to run down to the hart gym and do my six miles on a spin bike.  When I got to the gym, there were no working spin bikes so I was panicking because our transition times counted toward our overall time, so I found a spin bike in another area and pedalled as fast as I could.  I managed to finish the biking in just under 17 minutes, and then it was back upstairs to the pool. 

Some people did the first two parts with their swimsuits on under their clothes but I chose to change into my swimsuit after (it does not have the best support, if you know what I mean)  Of course after running and biking I was all sticky so I was getting mad at my bathing suit!  

I finally made it to the pool and had just 6 laps left until I was done.  I was so out of breath and just tired that I had to alternate between back crawl, front crawl, and breaststroke.  I had my trainer Tanner and Brad (one of the other contestants on my team) cheering me on the entire time, I don't know if I would have finished without them.  

When I had one more lap left, and was exhausted, Brad got in and swam my last lap just behind me.  At one point during that lap, I swallowed water and started coughing.  Brad kept telling me to just keep breathing and moving and I managed to make it to the end.  

I finished the try-a-tri, in 56 minutes and 23 seconds.  I was nowhere near the front of the pack, but I wasn't last, and I finished which is what is really important.  

I am so grateful that I have a strong body that can do these things and for all of the people that encourage and support me.

Environments

Time is always a little bit skewed for me in Rexburg.  During the week everything goes by so slowly and as my mother would say, I feel like I am flying by the seat of my pants.  Then when the weekend finally arrives it seems as if the week happened in a flash and it starts again all too soon!  Time has somehow made it almost the middle of the semester without me noticing.  I am pretty sure it was just last week I was saying goodbye to my family again and flying here, wasn't it?  

So far I have made some pretty good progress this semester, I have lost 7 pounds, decided I want to pursue 3D art as my emphasis, and made some bosom friends.  

I have had amazing apartments before and I have really good (best) friends, but this semester I have been lucky to find sisters in my apartment.  I love having people who understand me when I don't even have to say a word.

Having a supportive apartment (environment) is key when trying to make changes in your life.  If you don't have anyone reminding you of what you are supposed to be doing it is so much easier to fall off of the path.

I am so grateful for my real sisters and my bosom sisters who all keep me going and make life fun.  Without them I would have a much harder time finding out who I am through all of these trials.

Mind Sets

This weekend was the Semiannual General Conference for the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints and for once I listened to all four sessions.  The main theme I hear throughout all of it was service and staying on the path.  

The one I want to look at right now is, staying on the path.  I have been struggling with my food because I just want to eat all the time and I don't want to have to give up any of the things I like.  I had just started to eat a big bowl of jello and whip cream while listening to Elder Robert D. Hales and I heard for a second time today that the Lord told his disciples that they needed to stay away from their old ways and do what he had asked them to.   

I realized I have been going back to my old ways and I thought, "I will be better after this jello".  The problem with that is it is always,"just after my next snack/binge i will do better", that cannot be my mindset.  I must stop myself right away.  Before I could take another bite I got up and poured it into the garburator.  I need to focus on eating things that uplift my body and spirit.  I only want good energy put into my body so that only good energy is going out of my body.  When I realize I am eating something that is not giving me good energy I need to just spit it out and get rid of it.  As soon as I am aware I must stop.